Contrary to what Christian apologist are want to think or say Christianity along with other forms of organised religions aren’t just suitable for some of us hence I am left with no choice than to admit that christianity failed me.
I am not denying the fact that religion does give hope and comfort to many in the world. What I disagree with is people of religion blatantly suggesting and saying that I am damned because I choose ‘knowing and understanding’ over ‘believing’. We all can’t be believers some of us are hard-wired to be ‘knowers’ and ‘seekers’.
Christianity failed me in more ways than one. The dogmas and doctrines were prescriptive, restrictive, and limiting. I felt cramped and suffocated as a Christian; the teachings conflicted with my aspirations, dreams and individuality. I hated the idea that I couldn’t be free of mind, that you were only a good Christian when you read only certain type of books (religious).
I have an Aries ascendant, indicative of a fierce and independent mind this natural trait was therefore in conflict with the dogmas of Christianity— this was too much for me!
I didn’t like the walls of division that was constantly drawn between people: believer and non-believer line was a hard bend for my aquarius mars nature — it was uncomfortable and too much to bear.
I also resented having to conform to the Christian ways of doing ‘Everything’ there were no freedoms or allowance to be yourself — this was too much!
Despite these and several other conflicts I trucked on but stayed open minded
Then one day — In the early 2000s I came by an old faded book. Keep A True Lent by Charles fillmore turns out this little book was going to be pivotal in changing the course of my destiny from a confused young woman to what I have become today. As I type this out it dawns on me the time of finding this book coincides with my first Saturn return.
Oh! that little book jarred me out of the maze religion had me looped in. I soon read other works: Atom Smashing Power of Mind, Talks on Truth, Twelve Powers of Man, Jesus Christ Heals and with each book my patched and starved mind hungered for more. The uncommon disclosures and teachings of these literatures awed, shocked, excited and enlivened my spirit to no end. The resonance was deep at my core!
The works of Charles Fillmore exposed me to a whole new world; of learning how to correctly read the Christian bible. His works were an eye opener it cleared all the seeming dysfunction of bible stories, all the twisted verses take on new meanings once they are understood as not history but rather as allegories representing or depicting the evolutionary journey of man.
A general overtone of the works of Charles Fillmore is the suggestion that evil is an illusion this was too much for my religious mind to cope with at the time today I know better and agree wholeheartedly that evil is indicative of imbalance and the devil exist only in the mind of man.
I soon progressed to studying taboo subjects: contemplative qabalah, western metaphysics, theosophy and latterly IFA, Buddhism, Hinduism, Native American traditions (mayan & aztecs). As a book fiend I have spent countless hours soaking up knowledge buried in forgotten books and on great websites.
The Internet is no doubt a timely and remarkable invention. It is today being used by ignorant people to carry out ignoble acts. So the Internet as with everything can be a force for good or evil. Just as religion was once out of necessity a force for good has today become a cloak under which people commit atrocious acts. The age of reason and responsibility is upon us. Those who fail to emancipate their minds will undoubtedly not make it in the next leap of humanity’s evolutionary journey. This of course is not a prediction just my subjective opinion based off my observations and trends of our time
The following websites were early influences on my journey of liberation of soul and mind
When I read the excerpts of Epic of Creation I was floored; it turned all my Christian teachings on its head. Dan’s wealth of knowledge reflects on his website a massive space of invaluable information. A real treasure; written in clear and simple language be sure to visit his author page it still cracks me up every time I read it. Dan is a fine soul, knowledgeable & hilarious. Looks like he is no longer active online his last update was circa 2011 and his halexandria forum is defunct.
I send Love and light your way Dan Sewell Ward and for posterity’s sake, I hope his page continues to stay up.
Owen Waters writes insightful materials it is a must view page for any serious seeker, he offers courses occasionally and you can subscribe to his weekly news letters for free. His partner Dreama Vance contributes to the page.
I haven’t been back on the page in a while so at the time of writing this article I looked it up and it appears a bit clustered and can do with some orientation however it is still pretty much a treasure hunt if you know how to mine information or better still just watch bills videos here there used to be this excellent spreadsheet listing and linking to this videos I lost this list when my old computer crashed. I will update once I find it again.
After years of study and practice it became impossible to continue to profess faith (blindly). It wasn’t always easy I however at a gradual pace rid myself of the garbage, conditioning, limitation and all the other nonsense had been fed from the pulpit of organized religion.
The journey of self-discovery is typically the fool’s journey it isn’t for the faint of heart it is a tedious, hard path fraught with adversity and pain like you have never known but it is well worth it because the outcome is the realized Self.
The surest way to happiness is to live life on your terms (and not on dogmas and doctrines that stifles the expression of the true self) taking into cognizance the one principle that binds the universe. So today I identify as an agnostic pantheist it is the stance I am most comfortable with. I appreciate the freedoms inherent in this position:
I no longer had to answer to anyone other than my conscience— it is enough!
I could befriend whomever I wanted— liberating!
The overwhelming gladness that comes with knowing all is one and that the sense of separation is false.
I dig the theory of evolution but not the Darwinian type — the theosophist theory is far more plausible
Cooperating with nature and my fellow humans rather than competing — makes life a win win game!
Whatever is responsible for the visible and invisible worlds is unknowable(awamaridi)— science doesn’t know neither do mystics whoever claims to know is a blatant liar— There is nothing wrong with not knowing.
Thank you for reading